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Post by Greelinator on Nov 10, 2009 14:49:27 GMT -8
i decided to post the lyrics i'm writing. FAIR WARNING! THESE ARE MY LYRICS! REQUEST PERMISSION BEFORE USING THEM IF YOU WISH TO.
this song is called Killed By Love from my album Love's Ying-Yang
Verse One:
You came and stole my heart away
Yo took it on a silver tray
I'd never seen such beauty
Turned out to be cruelty
Chorus:
Look what you've done to me {done to me}
Will I eer be set free {be set free}
You were the only thing I thought of {though of}
Now I am killed by love
Verse Two:
Passion turned to hate
Your cruelty is a five star rate
Happiness turned to depression
All I feel now is aggression
Chorus
Solo One
Verse Three:
Can't take this anymore
I'm about to hit the floor
I see the wonderful color red
Now my body is cold and dead
Solo Two
Killed by love!
Solo Three
Killed by love!
Solo Four
Killed by love!
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Post by Orkanis on Nov 14, 2009 17:14:09 GMT -8
Wow, that's a lot of solos. As for solos do you mean by guitar?
Hmm, as for the lyrics. Is there more to it? Looks like there would be more.
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Post by Greelinator on Nov 15, 2009 10:42:27 GMT -8
Wow, that's a lot of solos. As for solos do you mean by guitar? Hmm, as for the lyrics. Is there more to it? Looks like there would be more. ha ha nope. that's all the lyrics for this song, and yes, those are guitar solos. i would state otherwise if it wasn't guitar. |
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Post by Orkanis on Nov 15, 2009 12:32:23 GMT -8
Oh lord, haha I haven't really seen that many solos in one song besides "Through the fire and flames" that's a different story though >> let's not go there.
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Post by Greelinator on Nov 15, 2009 12:40:13 GMT -8
nah that song had about 9 or 10 solos. this is more of Megadeth (solo # wise)
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Post by Orkanis on Nov 15, 2009 12:48:55 GMT -8
Hmm alright, because usually a solo comes through a breakthrough of the lyrics when it comes to a concluding point. Something like this
Ex:
And so it shall be written
and so it shall be done!
Solo..
Type of feeling, instead of an incomplete thought.
Ex:
I'm happy and you are...
solo..
Well, main point is, at the end it seemed unnecessary to trail for three.
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Post by Greelinator on Nov 15, 2009 14:16:54 GMT -8
then you've never heard the song Take No Prisoners by Megadeth, cause they do something similar.
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Post by Orkanis on Nov 16, 2009 10:41:10 GMT -8
Well first, you're not Megadeth lol and megadeth's solos in this song is one full solo continued.
Second, when I mentioned an incomplete thought, I was referring to "kill my love" it'd make much more sense if it was "Killed by love."
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Post by Greelinator on Nov 16, 2009 12:01:59 GMT -8
some bands repeat the name of their song in the song [like in Peace Sells by Megadeth ("Peace Sells...but who's buying? Peace Sells...but who's buying? Peace Sells...but who's buying?") and in Pull Me Under by Dream Theatre ("Pull me under Pull me under Pull me under I'm not afraid)] this song (as well as a few others) do the same thing.
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Post by Ex Seed on Nov 19, 2009 11:35:13 GMT -8
some bands repeat the name of their song in the song [like in Peace Sells by Megadeth ("Peace Sells...but who's buying? Peace Sells...but who's buying? Peace Sells...but who's buying?") and in Pull Me Under by Dream Theatre ("Pull me under Pull me under Pull me under I'm not afraid)] this song (as well as a few others) do the same thing. That's not what she was saying. She was saying the solo jumped in as an individual after every main phrase. What she meant by this is what you should already know. To change up that part of the song to that is all she said. |
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Post by Greelinator on Nov 19, 2009 12:17:42 GMT -8
ok, you got me. i'll change the name of the song/lyrics so it matches up.
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Post by Greelinator on Nov 22, 2009 9:45:02 GMT -8
i posted this in a differen forum but reposting it here for more feedback. this song is the song i hope will become the most popular from this album.
Verse 1
In my life I was all alone
Then I saw you on your phone
It was then and there my life changed
But I couldn't get a conversation with you arranged
(Chorus)
Love is a wonder
Love is like thunder
Even if you won't be my wife
You'll always be the love of my life
Verse 2
I love your beautiful blonde hair
To me it's oh so rare
I love the sparkle in your eyes
When I see them I become hypnotized
(Chorus)
[Breakdown]
Love is a magnifcant and strange thing
There are many forms of love
You see more than others
Here's a question for you
How often do you see true love?
Verse 3
We've been dating for a year
To me it seemed so clear
So I had gone and proposed
The answer was now disclosed {she said no}
Solo 1
(2nd half of Chorus)
Solo 2
You'll always be
Always be (x4)
Always be the love of my life
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Post by Zero on Nov 28, 2009 9:27:37 GMT -8
My only criticism, besides what was already mentioned is... well, never mind, there are two.
My first concern is that songs shouldn't have... planned solos. Unless you're in the process of writing a song, and you feel "Damn, a solo would go well here," and it works, then you've got a solo. Otherwise, it shouldn't just be mentioned in the lyrics that there will be a solo. This, of course, is all based on the assumption that you haven't gotten all of these songs recorded, or at least completed.
This raises many other concerns, actually: Do you have some kind of solo machine? Who's performing all of these solos? If it's you, then are you singing too? Shouldn't you be concerned that who ever's doing these solos will get tired in the middle of a set? Might these solos just be plain shitty or unnecessary?
Anyways, my other criticism was that you didn't tell a story. A powerful song will usually contain a strong message accompanied by great music and a story of some kind. Otherwise, you're just making all sorts of claims w/ no evidence or support. What's your audience supposed to think? It works to same way for public speaking and argumentation -- if you can't draw someone in, then no one's going to care. Just food for thought. Personally, I don't care if you change it or not.
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Post by Greelinator on Nov 28, 2009 14:18:26 GMT -8
My only criticism, besides what was already mentioned is... well, never mind, there are two. My first concern is that songs shouldn't have... planned solos. Unless you're in the process of writing a song, and you feel "Damn, a solo would go well here," and it works, then you've got a solo. Otherwise, it shouldn't just be mentioned in the lyrics that there will be a solo. This, of course, is all based on the assumption that you haven't gotten all of these songs recorded, or at least completed. This raises many other concerns, actually: Do you have some kind of solo machine? Who's performing all of these solos? If it's you, then are you singing too? Shouldn't you be concerned that who ever's doing these solos will get tired in the middle of a set? Might these solos just be plain shitty or unnecessary? Anyways, my other criticism was that you didn't tell a story. A powerful song will usually contain a strong message accompanied by great music and a story of some kind. Otherwise, you're just making all sorts of claims w/ no evidence or support. What's your audience supposed to think? It works to same way for public speaking and argumentation -- if you can't draw someone in, then no one's going to care. Just food for thought. Personally, I don't care if you change it or not. well i'm still working on the story in message part. writing great lyrics isn't easy, but at least i'm trying. as for the planned solos, i have ideas but they all vary. when i go to college i'm gonna have try-outs to see who would best fit my band. |
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Post by Zero on Nov 28, 2009 18:12:16 GMT -8
"Still working?" It doesn't look like you've even started implementing any kind of story. Great lyrics requires great writing. If you can write a good poem or work of fiction, then you can write good lyrics... It just takes effort (and skill).
Ok, that's another thing. When forming a band, I doubt too many people will have the same interests or ideas as you, so having your music as structured as it is now would probably be a bad idea. By that I mean, again, the planned solos (which should be spontaneous) and the lyrics in general. You might find the perfect player, but if he thinks that you don't have shit to offer, he won't want to join. Also, consider how many people will actually 'try out' for your band. Posting fliers and asking people if they play instruments will only get you so far, and on the day, you'll likely have like 2-3 people trying out, tops.
You should already have an idea of who's in your band, and so on, before you go writing lyrics, because your actual members may not be down for that, and you will have wasted your time.
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Post by Greelinator on Nov 28, 2009 19:37:45 GMT -8
ok the real reason why i started writing lyrics was (really don't wanna say this) when i got my first taste of the emotion love. then ideas ran through my head about the good and bad sides of love. i started to write down ideas of how each side is experienced, whether it happened to me or not.
maybe i can clear up the solo thing. those are just suggestions as to where solos in the song should fit. it wasn't a definite thing.
ok, my song writing isn't the greatest, but that doesn't mean i won't accept help or changes to my writing or my ideas. i'm hoping that someone can maybe help me on writing better lyrics.
also, i have come to realize (after already posting my lyrics) that songs can be made mostly by recording a jam session with your band, then picking out the pieces of the recording, and working with that. is that on target?
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Post by Zero on Nov 28, 2009 22:13:43 GMT -8
First of all, if you didn't want to say it, you didn't have to, although, it was apparent in the song itself. Second, if you didn't actually feel these emotions, then you probably shouldn't have written about them. Write about what you know, not of what you speculate.
As for everything else: That's much better. That's not to say that you can't write lyrics, obviously, but you shouldn't expect a band member to always like your work (especially if they can't relate to it).
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Post by Greelinator on Nov 29, 2009 7:42:19 GMT -8
but you shouldn't expect a band member to always like your work (especially if they can't relate to it). oh yeah, that much is obvious. well, until i get things straighten out, can you temporarily lock this thread Zero? once i get more organized and better lyrics i'll start posting again. is that ok with you? |
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Post by Zero on Nov 29, 2009 8:31:34 GMT -8
At least that much is understood. And absolutely. LOCKED!  |
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Post by Ex Seed on Nov 30, 2009 0:05:41 GMT -8
Dammit! I'm missing out on some of these actions...
Next opportunity.
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